How people show and express love is crucial in finding the right relationship. Men and women often communicate and love in different ways, so it’s important in the dating process to understand what your language is and what your partner’s (or potential partner’s) is.

Dr. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor who pioneered the 5 Love Languages concept and wrote the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. You can go on his website and take a short quiz to find out what your language is. I encourage you to take 5 minutes to take the quiz, or even read his book, and see what your emotional communication preference is. This self-awareness will help in finding a compatible partner, but also in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Here’s a summary of the 5 Languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation: You prefer to be praised and appreciated verbally.
  2. Acts of Service: Actions are more effective than words to show love to you.
  3. Receiving Gifts: You prefer material items gifted from your partner to feel appreciated and loved.
  4. Quality Time: Spending quality time together is most important to you.
  5. Physical Touch: You feel loved most through physical touch and affection, such as kissing and holding hands.

As I always stress to clients, self-awareness is your most important asset in dating! So next time you’re getting to know someone on a deeper level, ask what his/her love language is. It just might help you in finding “The One”!

Happy Dating!

-Your IJL Seattle Dating Advisor,



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