We've all heard it before.

"I only date outgoing people."

"I've always been attracted to entrepreneurs."

"They're just not my type."

Having preferences isn't a bad thing. In fact, knowing what you're looking for is an important part of dating intentionally. But sometimes, what we think is our "type" is actually a pattern—and patterns don't always lead to healthy, lasting relationships.

If you've found yourself dating the same kind of person over and over with similar disappointing results, it may be time to ask a different question: What if your type isn't your best match?

We've spent the last 35 years helping busy professionals find meaningful relationships. One thing we've seen time and time again is that many of the happiest couples don't fit the checklist they thought they wanted. Instead, they discover something far more important: true compatibility.

What Does It Mean to Have a "Type"?

Most people develop a type based on past experiences, attraction, familiarity, and even media influences.

Sometimes your type is physical. Other times it's based on career, personality, education, or lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with having preferences. The problem is when those preferences become rigid requirements.

"Many clients come to us convinced they know exactly who they're looking for. One of the most rewarding parts of matchmaking is watching them discover that the qualities they truly need aren't always the ones they initially prioritized."

— Hazel P, IJL Executive Matchmaker

Preference vs. Requirement: There's a Big Difference

Imagine you're hiring someone for an important role.

Would you choose a candidate based solely on where they went to school or what hobbies they listed on their résumé? Probably not.

You'd care far more about qualities like character, communication, reliability, and long-term potential.

Dating works the same way.

Sometimes we become so focused on superficial traits that we overlook the qualities that actually sustain a relationship.

Why We Keep Dating the Same Person in Different Packaging

There's a reason people joke about dating the same person with a different name. Humans naturally gravitate toward familiarity.

Psychologists call this confirmation bias—our tendency to seek experiences that reinforce what we already believe or expect. If you've always been attracted to a certain personality type, your brain may continue selecting similar people, even when those relationships haven't worked.

The result? Different faces. Same outcome.

Professional matchmakers often recognize these patterns long before clients do.

"One of the first things we look for isn't just who someone wants to date—it's who they've been dating. Those patterns often reveal valuable insights about what's working and what's not."

— Julie Yarworth, VP of Matchmaking

Your Best Match May Not Look Like Your Past Relationships

One of the biggest misconceptions about compatibility is that your future partner should resemble your previous ones. In reality, the opposite is often true. If past relationships consistently ended for similar reasons, choosing someone different isn't settling—it's growing.

That doesn't mean abandoning your standards. It means reconsidering which qualities deserve to be non-negotiable.

For many successful professionals, the most important qualities include things like emotional maturity, curiosity, integrity, shared life goals, and communication.

Those qualities rarely appear at the top of someone's dating profile, but they're often what create lasting relationships.

Why Attraction Can Grow Over Time

Many singles assume they should know immediately whether someone is "the one."

While attraction is certainly important, lasting chemistry isn't always instantaneous.

Research has shown that emotional intimacy, trust, shared experiences, and mutual understanding often deepen attraction over time.

Some of the strongest couples describe their first date not as fireworks, but as something quieter: comfortable, genuine, interesting, and refreshing.

Those feelings can become the foundation for something much bigger than an instant spark.

"We've seen countless couples tell us they almost said no to a second date because they were waiting for movie-style fireworks. Looking back, they're grateful they gave genuine compatibility a chance to grow."

— Amy M, IJL Executive Matchmaker

Why Professional Matchmakers Encourage an Open Mind

One of the greatest advantages of professional matchmaking is having someone challenge your assumptions—in a productive way.

Matchmakers aren't trying to convince you to lower your standards. They're helping you raise the right ones.

Instead of asking: "Does this person fit my type?" A matchmaker asks:

• Can these two communicate well?
• Do their lifestyles complement each other?
• Are they emotionally available?
• Are they looking for the same future?
• Will they bring out the best in each other?

Those questions often lead to introductions clients never would have made on their own. And many become lasting relationships.

The Difference Between Being Selective and Being Closed Off

Intentional dating isn't about saying yes to everyone. It's about saying yes to possibilities you may have overlooked. There's a difference between maintaining high standards and limiting yourself with unnecessary rules.

Ask yourself:

• Would I date someone an inch shorter than my usual preference?
• Someone with a different career background?
• Someone who enjoys different hobbies?
• Someone I might not have swiped right on?

If the answer is consistently "no," your dating pool may be smaller than it needs to be.

Sometimes the right relationship begins when we stop searching for a perfect checklist and start looking for genuine compatibility.

What Lasting Relationships Actually Have in Common

After helping busy professionals navigate millions of first dates over the past 35 years, one lesson stands out: Successful relationships aren't built on identical interests. They're built on shared values, mutual effort, trust, communication, and a willingness to grow together.

Those qualities can't always be captured in a profile—or predicted by an algorithm.

But they can be recognized by experienced matchmakers who understand what makes relationships last.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it bad to have a type?

Not at all. Preferences are natural. The key is making sure they don't become rigid limitations that prevent you from meeting someone who could be a wonderful long-term partner.

Should I date someone who isn't my usual type?

If your past dating experiences haven't led to the relationship you're looking for, keeping an open mind can create opportunities you might otherwise miss.

Does attraction grow over time?

Yes. While initial attraction matters, emotional connection, shared experiences, and trust often deepen attraction as a relationship develops.

Why do professional matchmakers encourage flexibility?

Experienced matchmakers focus on long-term potential rather than surface-level preferences. They look at communication styles, values, goals, and emotional readiness to make thoughtful introductions.

Can being too selective hurt my dating life?

Having high standards is healthy. However, if your standards focus primarily on superficial characteristics instead of lasting connection, you may unintentionally overlook strong potential partners.

Your Best Match Might Surprise You

The person who changes your life may not be the one who checks every box on your list.

They may be someone who challenges your perspective, makes you laugh when you least expect it, supports your ambitions, and shares your vision for the future.

Sometimes the best relationships begin with one simple decision: Being open to someone different.

At It's Just Lunch, our professional matchmakers look beyond checklists to understand who you are, what matters most to you, and the kind of relationship you're truly looking to build. By focusing on chemistry—not just preferences—we've helped busy professionals find meaningful connections for 35 years.

If you're ready to discover what happens when you expand your definition of "your type," we'd love to help you meet someone who might surprise you in all the right ways.